10 Tips For Coping With A Picky Eater (That Are Actually Helpful)

If you’re deep in the picky eating trenches, first of all, I get it.

I’m there too…

I know all about the worry (‘will they ever eat a vegetable again?’), the frustration (‘you liked this yesterday!’), the guilt (‘is this somehow my fault?’) and the added mental load (‘what on earth am I going to give them for dinner tonight??’).

Picky eating is exhausting, and the usual advice like “just keep offering!” can feel totally unhelpful.

So here I’m sharing 10 tips that aren’t your standard picky eating advice, but might actually be helpful.

These are the things I wish someone had told me before I spent years figuring it out myself (yep, even as a pediatric dietitian!).

1. Stop blaming yourself

Seriously, stop.

Picky eating is not a sign that you’ve failed as a parent. In fact, it probably has very little to do with you or your parenting.

While there can be some ‘environmental’ influences, picky eating is usually a complex mix of genetics, personality, and sometimes even sensory sensitivities.

So you can stop beating yourself up (the fact that you’re reading blog posts about picky eating is basically proof that you’re a good parent!).

Letting go of blame can ease a lot of the stress around picky eating—and that’s an important first step toward creating a calmer, more enjoyable dinner table.

2. Share the responsibility

Kids are born knowing how to eat — they’re naturally intuitive eaters. They instinctively know how much food their bodies need to grow the way they’re meant to.

That’s where the idea of the "division of responsibility" comes in. It’s all about trusting your child to listen to their own hunger cues and decide if and how much they want to eat, instead of us trying to control that for them.

And honestly, this approach works for children of all ages, from babies to teenagers.

As parents, our main job is to decide what, when, and where food is offered. Then it's up to our kids to choose how much they eat — or even if they eat at all.

So basically, we handle the feeding side of things, and they take care of the eating.

To make this work, just keep offering a good variety of foods at meals and snacks, and then (even though it’s hard sometimes!) step back and let them choose what they want from what’s on offer.⁠

3. Ditch the drama

Picky eaters can smell pressure from a mile away. And some just actually love pushing your buttons by refusing to eat what you’ve served.

Rules like ‘just one bit’ seem logical, but for a picky eater, that pressure can backfire big time.

Instead, try simply saying ‘you don’t have to eat it.’

If meals are relaxed, predictable, and low-drama, kids have the freedom to approach new foods at their own pace — and ironically, they’re often more likely to try something when the pressure is off.

No bribing, begging, or bargaining needed.

4. Stop stressing about vegetables

I hear you, what kind of parent doesn’t worry about their kids’ veg intake??!

And yes, there’s no doubt that vegetables offer a lot of important nutrients.

But the unfortunate truth is, some kids just aren’t going to willingly eat vegetables no matter what you do.

And the good news is, this doesn’t mean they’re destined to be malnourished for life. Kids can get these nutrients from other foods too, particularly fruit.

So if your child doesn’t eat enough veg but eats plenty of fruit, they’re likely getting the nutrients they need to grow and thrive (but keep offering that veg!).

However, if your child also doesn’t eat fruit they may be at risk of nutritional deficiencies and it’s a good idea to seek advice from a pediatric dietitian.

5. Keep snacks small ⁠

Grazing or snacking too close to mealtimes can make picky eating worse as kids just aren't hungry enough to bother with foods they don't love.

In fact, what appears to be fussy eating can sometimes be a case of toddlers simply not being all that hungry!

Kids need around regular eating opportunities each day to meet their nutrition needs, so including 2-3 nutritious snacks over the course of the day is a good idea - one in the morning, one in the afternoon and one before bed if they need it.

But aim to keep snacks small and at least 1 1/2 - 2 hours before mealtimes.

Having a flexible meal and snack schedule can really help to make sure eating opportunities are well spaced throughout the day, with ‘time to eat’ and ‘time to get hungry’.

6. Get kids involved

In my experience, control is extremely important for picky eaters. The more control they have, the better they’ll eat.

For younger kids, this might mean choosing a fruit or vegetable at the supermarket or giving them a choice between two meal options.

For older kids, asking them to help with the weekly meal plan or letting them choose the meal on one night each week can work really well.

Having some level of control over food choices, knowing what to expect and having their preferences taken into consideration can make a real difference with picky eaters.

7. Have a ‘safe food’ at every meal

In my experience, this is essential for a remotely successful meal with a picky eater.

Offer at least one food you know your child will eat at every meal. This should be a food that is familiar and acceptable to your child, but not particularly exciting).

When kids know they won't leave the table hungry, they feel safer — and that safety makes them more willing to branch out over time.

You’ll also feel more relaxed that they’ve at least eaten something on their plate.

It could be something as simple as a slice of buttered bread of half a banana alongside whatever you’re serving for that meal.

8. Rotate, rotate, rotate

As frustrating as it is, it’s entirely possible for a picky eater to like a food one day and absolutely hate it the next.

We get stuck serving the same "safe" foods because it's easier (guilty 🙋‍♀️).

But rotating through foods or even offering foods in slightly different ways — a banana sliced one day, whole the next — keeps things interesting without overwhelming them.

It also reduces the risk of ‘burning out’ on any one food.

9. Eat like you’re being watched (because you are….)

Kids learn about food by watching you.

Even if they’re refusing everything on their plate, seeing you enjoy a variety of foods without making a fuss is powerful.

It might not work straight away, but it will pay off in the long term.

10. Don’t assume it’s ‘just a phase’

Sure, some kids grow out of picky eating without too much drama.

Others? Not so much.

Picky eating can be a rite of passage in toddlerhood and early childhood.

But if your child’s picky eating is stretching beyond this time and is causing stress, instead of waiting it out, lean in and support their eating skills now.

Early support builds confidence and a healthier relationship with food later on.

Bonus Tip: Break the rules

One discovery I’ve made with my picky eater, is that sometimes the best strategy is to break the traditional food “rules.”

While there are plenty of guidelines, there are no rules when it comes to feeding kids.

You know your kid best, so don’t be afraid to do what works for your family, even if it’s not the norm.

For example, breakfast foods don’t have to be limited to the morning—if your child prefers eggs on toast at dinnertime, that’s perfectly fine as long as the meal is balanced and nutritious.

Likewise, snacks can be served as mini meals if your child eats better in smaller portions throughout the day.

I often give my kids ‘bits and pieces’ instead of an actual ‘meal’, which tends to be a lot more successful. And as long as there’s some protein, an iron-rich food, carbs and a fruit or vegetable, I call it a win.

You can also offer two "main" items at a meal—like pasta and eggs—instead of sticking to the usual main-plus-sides format.

Letting go of rigid expectations can ease mealtime stress and help children feel more comfortable and in control around food.

Remember: like many things in life, it’s a long game

Picky eating isn’t something you "fix" overnight.

It’s a relationship you're building between your child and food — and just like any good relationship, it takes time, trust, and a whole lot of patience.

It might also be something that is just part of your child’s personality and temperament and they may never really ‘grow out of’. Although before you give up in despair, it will most likely improve as they get older!

So basically, you’re probably in it for the long haul, and that’s okay.

Why do kids become picky eaters?

At around the age of 15-18 months, many toddlers suddenly start turning their noses up at meals they used to like, leaving their parents baffled and frustrated about what has happened to their previously enthusiastic eater.

This is something I hear all the time from parents of toddlers.

Babies who ate just about anything that was put in front of them suddenly become toddlers who seem to barely eat a thing. While this can be worrying and frustrating, the good news is that in most cases it's a normal part of toddlerhood.

There are a few reasons why toddlers often suddenly become far more picky about what they eat:

Growth slowing down

After the age of one, a child’s rate of growth slows down, which means that they just don’t need the amount of food they used to need when they were babies.

⁠Newfound independence

On top of that, more interest in what’s going on around them, and newfound independence can mean they’re less interested in food and/or they want to exert their ability to choose whether to eat it or not! ⁠

There’s not a whole lot toddlers can control in their lives just yet, but what goes in their mouths is one of them! ⁠

Inconsistent intake

It's also very common for toddlers to eat a lot at one meal and very little at the next, so it’s important to look at their intake over a whole week, rather than just one meal or one day.

When you do this, you might be surprised to realise they’re actually eating more than you think. ⁠

Genetics and personality

Some children are simply wired to be more cautious around new foods because of their natural sensitivity to taste, texture, or even smell (you can thank their genes for that!).

Personality traits like being more anxious, strong-willed, or highly sensitive can also make a child more hesitant to try unfamiliar foods.

So if you’ve got a little one who’s slow to warm up to new things in general, it’s no surprise they might be slow to accept new foods too.

Sensory sensitivities

Sometimes picky eating isn’t just about being “fussy” — sensory sensitivities can be a big underlying factor.

Kids who are sensitive to textures, smells, tastes, sounds, or even the way food looks might find certain foods completely overwhelming or even uncomfortable to eat.

It’s important to understand that for these kids, picky eating isn’t a choice — it’s a real sensory experience that can feel pretty intense.

If you think sensory sensitivities might be behind your child’s struggles with food, it’s worth paying attention to patterns (like avoiding anything mushy, crunchy, or strong-smelling) and keeping mealtimes low-pressure.

Supporting them with lots of patience, gradual exposure to new foods, and creating a calm eating environment can really help.

If you're concerned, speak to your pediatrician, a pediatric dietitian, or an occupational therapist who specialises in feeding for extra support and strategies.

When to get help

As long as your child is growing appropriately (for them) and is otherwise well, picky eating or an inconsistent intake is usually not a cause for concern.

But in some cases, fussy eating can be more serious.

If you’re concerned about your child’s growth, the number of foods they eat is very limited (i.e. less than 20) or they refuse all foods from one or more food groups, speak to your child’s doctor or a pediatric dietitian.

Remember, you’re not alone in this, and you’re not failing. Your child is lucky to have you in their corner, cheering them on one messy, unpredictable meal at a time.